Change

As I have looked at my life over the past two months, I have seen something. I am changed. I am leading a Celebrate Recovery group and we are about finished with book 1. I was looking over the answers I had previously as I did each lesson and saw that I no longer carry those old burdens. While some still are a thorn in my side, they are not longer a secret, deep gaping whole that oozed of loathing, self hatred, depression, ugly. A denial of who I really was. I was a fake just like most everyone is who tries to hide that they are just as messed up as the rest of us.
I found that like most everyone, most of our issues come from childhood. While I was raised in a christian home with loving parents, I could not escape other peoples sins that cut me or my human sinful flesh that damaged my core. So I found that I needed to dive deep and really look at me. It was very sacry, painful and I had to take the mask off I most of all I could clearly see what I really had become. I stopped running and sat for a while. Then I let God move me. I did not try to fix me, but came to the understanding of the truth that I cant fix anything. God can fix me and I must ask the Holy Spirt living in me to help me. I had to give up me pride and selfish ambitions.
The process of all this began August 25th, 2008. While I have seen healing and change occur all along, it was not until now that I realized that I am done with certain issues and I am not living in the past. While there is some issues that need some loving care right now, I am no longer tied to the past that killed my present and future. I can see how God has changed me in my actions towards others and myself. I am living out the things that Jesus teaches in the bible, most of the time. I am having more joy and confidence. And every now and then I am overflowing into someone else s cup. I look forward as I give more and more of my self away. As I am learning that, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. " Philippians 1:21