Since you've been gone

Time really goes fast. As you can see I am not consistent in blogging. I don't always feel that I have important stuff to share. However, I think that I want to change that thinking. I want to write about anything from heavy to very funny. So here I go.
Since I last wrote lots of things have happened. I changed my face care regimen. Yikes! Was on Proactive and it was working ok but not great anymore. So I decided to go natural. Grapeseed oil, witch hazel, lemons, apple cider vinegar a clay mask a make myself. This all ended in a pepperoni pizza look all over. I now am trying to correct it with products from Origins in the mall.
Then there is the on going counseling. I am moving beyond some childhood yuck and it is starting to sit well with my soul. In other words I am growing and allowing Jesus to heal my wounds that have festered for so long. I am learning to communicate without getting very angry and lashing out, although it still happends often. I am finding that siting in the reality of who I am can be very uncomfortable but is still worth what I will become, what Jesus sees me as-the finished product.
Right now I have dropped my life on the floor. It has become unmanageable again. I am not sure how I am going to pick it up with Jesus and not leave Him behind. I want to just fix it like always...I always try different ways, fooling myself that it will be different this time and everything will fall in place. But I know from 31 years of doing this that it has NEVER worked. So why do I think that this is the one time it will work? That is human flesh I guess.
I am learning right now about David in 2 Samuel. He took another mans wife to bed and then killed her husband. So after seeing that he, David, made a wrong against God, he confessed his sin and was forgiven. HOWEVER, this part is what has me reeling. What we sow in the flesh will be reaped in the flesh. What we sow in the spirit will be reaped in the spirit. All that to say if I do something wrong and confess to God my sin, I am forgiven. BUT that does not stop what I already started, it will continue to harvest.
This concept has me a bit messed up. OK really messed up. In Celebrate Recovery and in the bible they talk about how I cant really do anything that lasts on my own. I am sinful, imperfect man and God can only help me. But in that lies the irony. So in essence I will reap something that I cant really help in the beginning. I know that God will work this out in me but right now I am confussed and wrestling with God on this.